Dick: What would your tears say?
Cl: I see sparkles of light with them. And in my head I can't....
Dick: I suspect that you had an experience that you were not prepared for: that it was premature. That you were not taught how to be grounded.
Cl: The difficulty afterwards was like my system was just burned out. I don't know if it was from the spiritual thing that happened, or if it was from the drugs afterward.
Dick: Be careful about how you use the word spiritual. You are not talking about a spiritual happening. That is not spiritual. That intense experience that you had, that is not spiritual experience. That is a very powerful psychic experience, but people use the words psychic and spiritual interchangeably, and that is a terrible mistake. I heard N say, "And during the meditation when we turn the lights out and meditate for an hour, I don't want to hear a lot of krias going on." He said, "I have been working like this and meditating like this for twenty years, and in all those years I never have experienced a kria." Well, krias were noticeably absent: usually there is a groaning and shrieking and stuff that is going on. This was very quiet. Don't confuse the presence of krias, don't confuse seeing lights, don't confuse smelling beautiful smells, don't confuse the appearance of the guru, or Shiva, or of Buddha, or of Jesus Christ, don't confuse any of that with spirituality.
Those are called that by Patanjali in his Yogic Aphorisms, are you familiar with that? This is the most authoritative book on Raja yoga ever written. It was written about two thousand years ago. He has a section in that in which he specifically says, "do not be woo-ed away, do not be distracted by the sidis. Do you know what the sidis are? The sidis are visions, lights, fragrances, soft sounds, visions, all that stuff. Telepathy, fore-knowledge, that kind of stuff. Some of which was happening in here on a small scale. That is not spirituality. That is not the spiritual life. And the most authoritative book that I know on what is spirituality is a book called The Observing Self by a psychiatrist from Langley-Porter by the name of Arthur Dikeman. And in that book, he primarily talks about what spirituality is not. And he essentially is saying exactly what Patanjali, who generally considered the world's greatest authority of Raja Yoga.
So you were not having a spiritual experience. You were having a very powerful psychic experience. And Patanjali warns, and many other, not only Bedantists worshipers of Shiva and the Hindu people, the Bedantists, but the Sufis, the Buddhists, and Christians. Saint Teresa, one of the great teaching saints of the Christian tradition said to her nuns, "If the Holy Mother appears to you while you are praying, disregard her and she will go away, just keep on praying." There is a Zen master, I have forgotten his name, who said to his students, if, while you are counting your breaths (you know, one to ten), the Buddha appears to you, pay no attention to him, just keep on counting your breaths and sooner or later he will go away and leave you alone.
Now, the appearance of the Buddha, the appearance of the Holy Mother in Christianity and some Sufi said the same thing. In all these traditions they have said these things. Don't confuse these apparitions and powers with spirituality. It is not spirituality. I just want to be very clear on that.
Cl: I have noticed in the last year that I have begun to speak out with a lot of negativity and finally in the last couple months that I can catch myself and stop myself in mid-sentence and say "Stop." I am tired of hearing this stuff come out of my mouth.
Dick: I want to show you a meditation and an image that will help you to be grounded, so that when these things happen (and they will happen), you are not distracted by them, and carried away by them, and driven crazy by them, back to the hospital. Close your eyes. It is important grounding. Imagine that the soles of your feet are receptors which are drawing the energy out of the earth into your legs. And where you are sitting on your chair, the base of your spine or the tip of your spine, your tailbone, grows and extends into a long root that goes right down through the floor and goes a couple hundred miles into the earth. And this energy which is coming up through your feet, comes up through your legs, enters your pelvis, and goes back into the earth and is discharged. This grounding is very important. Can you feel that. Take you time. Take your time. Take your time. Just visualize, and also make it a kinesthetic image that you can feel, that the energy is coming up, through the soles of your feet, going through your legs and into your pelvis, and goes right back down into the earth again. This connects you with the earth, and this is the basic energy that you should never lose. Can you do that?
Cl: Yes.
Dick: Just continue to do that. Now see in front of your face, about eight inches away, a small white marble of light, a big marble, one of those shooters. And as you see it, draw it in, right into the middle of your skull, where your spine comes up, and there is a little slot there where you can let it fall into place. Can you do that?
Cl: Yes, it is moving around a little bit.
Dick: That is all right. There is a little slot there where it will fall into place. This ball is in the place of the sixth chakra. Now see that you are seated inside that ball looking out, like somebody in a space ship looking out. And all the while you are sitting there inside the little while ball, the energy continues to flow up from the ground and into your legs and into your pelvis and then discharged again in that root attached to the base of your spine. Now sit inside that little white ball and experience the energy of the earth running up your legs and entering your feet and discharging downwards from your spine. And that grounding circuit just keeps going, no matter what happens. Because in order for there to be a flow of energy, there has to be a negative and a positive pole, and yin and yang, feminine and masculine, positive and negative. However you want to put it in terms of opposites, but the two energies must both be present.
Now before you do anything else, make an enclosure that resembles the little thing inside your brain where you are sitting inside of it. Make such an enclosure of white light all around you of white light, so that you are sitting simultaneously inside a little ball of light at the base of your brain, and the big body of which that brain is a part of, is now enclosed in a bigger ball of light. Those are your boundaries. You have established your boundaries. Nothing that is evil, or bad for you, or deleterious in any way, can penetrate that shell that you have created. Nothing that is negative can penetrate. And you have no worries about demons, or ghosts, or bad spirits, or anything like that. It won't penetrate. But good energy continues to come up from the earth through your feet and is discharged right inside the shell that is surrounding you. And now see the little shell that you are sitting in at the base of your brain, see that the top opens up and a shaft of light opens up and goes up and up and up until it reaches, almost instantaneously, a huge sun, a huge ball of white light. And the moment the shaft that you are sending up touches that, this sun, this huge ball of radiance above you begins to send its own light and energy down into you. And when it comes back down through that channel which you have created upward, it passes right through the little ball in which you are sitting. And it passes right down through your spine, right to the base of the spine. And it continues to charge and discharge, upward and downward, simultaneously, and the flow of energy from the earth is coming up and discharging back into the earth simultaneously. So you take in energy from the earth and discharge it back and you take in energy from high above you and sending it back, and all the while you are enclosed in a sphere of light that allows nothing that is negative to penetrate. Anything that is harmful that is coming your way is deflected. It is nothing but a thin bubble of light, but it is stronger than the walls of the strongest Sherman tank that the army has built. Nothing can penetrate, except it is porous to anything that is good, so you can trust.
Now just feel the energy continue to move up your legs and down into the earth. And feel the energy up into the sky and coming right back down into the base of your spine. Just experience that and tell me what you are experiencing right now.